When a child struggles with hitting behaviors, it can be challenging for parents, teachers, and therapists alike. Whether it’s a toddler lashing out in frustration, a preschooler who hasn’t yet learned to communicate anger, or a child with autism or sensory processing challenges, hitting is often a sign that a child needs help learning appropriate ways to express big feelings with gentle hands.
Social Stories™ are one of the most effective tools for teaching children alternative behaviors to hitting. Originally developed by Carol Gray for children with autism spectrum disorder, social stories work beautifully for all children who benefit from clear, structured explanations of social expectations.
Understanding the Scenario: Why Children Hit
Before we dive into the social story itself, it’s important to understand that hitting is typically a communication behavior. Children may hit when they:
- Feel frustrated and lack the words to express themselves
- Want attention (even negative attention feels better than being ignored)
- Feel overwhelmed by sensory input or emotions
- Don’t understand social boundaries or personal space
- Are imitating behavior they’ve seen elsewhere
- Need to communicate physical discomfort or pain
The goal of a social story for hitting isn’t to shame the child, but to teach them what to do instead of hitting when those big feelings arise.
Sample Social Script: “I Can Use Gentle Hands”
Here’s a social story you can read with your child, adapted to their developmental level:
My Gentle Hands
Sometimes I feel angry or frustrated. Everyone feels this way sometimes.
When I feel angry, my body feels tight and my hands want to hit.
Hitting hurts other people’s bodies. When I hit, it makes people sad and their bodies hurt.
There are better ways to show my angry feelings.
When I feel like hitting, I can:
- Squeeze my hands together
- Ask for a break
- Say “I’m angry” with my words
- Hit a pillow instead
- Ask for a hug
- Take deep breaths
When I use gentle hands, people feel safe around me.
When I use my words or take a break, grown-ups are proud of me.
I am learning to use gentle hands. It takes practice, and that’s okay.
Personalization Tips:
- Add photos of your child demonstrating gentle touches
- Include pictures of the specific settings where hitting occurs (classroom, playground, home)
- Use your child’s name throughout the story
- Adjust vocabulary to match your child’s developmental level
- Add specific adults in the child’s life who can help (“Mrs. Johnson can help me take a break”)
Why Structure Matters in Social Narratives for Hitting
Social stories follow a specific structure that makes them uniquely effective for teaching replacement behaviors. Here’s why this structure is so important:
1. Predictable Framework Reduces Anxiety
Children who struggle with hitting often experience significant anxiety around social situations. The consistent structure of social stories—introducing the situation, describing feelings, explaining the problem, offering solutions, and affirming the child—creates a safe, predictable learning experience.
2. Descriptive Rather Than Directive Language
Effective social stories use more descriptive sentences (“Hitting hurts people”) than directive sentences (“Don’t hit”). This approach helps children understand the why behind the rule, which is especially important for children with autism who may struggle with abstract social concepts.
3. Perspective Sentences Build Empathy
Including sentences about how others feel (“When I hit, it makes people sad”) helps children develop theory of mind and understand that their actions affect others’ emotions—a critical component many children who hit haven’t yet developed.
4. Affirmative Tone Builds Self-Efficacy
Unlike punishment-based approaches, social stories maintain a positive, affirming tone (“I am learning to use gentle hands”). This helps children see themselves as capable of change rather than “bad kids,” which is essential for lasting behavior change.
5. Repetition Creates Neural Pathways
The structure allows for repeated reading without feeling punitive. Each time you read the story with your child, you’re strengthening the neural pathways associated with the replacement behavior, making it more likely they’ll access these strategies in the moment.
How to Use Social Narratives for Hitting Effectively
To maximize the impact of your social story:
Read Regularly: Review the story daily, preferably before situations where hitting typically occurs (before school, before playdates, etc.)
Read When Calm: Social stories work best as teaching tools during calm moments, not as consequences in the heat of the moment.
Practice the Alternatives: After reading, physically practice the replacement behaviors together (squeezing hands, taking deep breaths, etc.)
Celebrate Progress: When your child uses an alternative behavior instead of hitting, reference the social story: “You remembered to use your words just like in your story!”
Collaborate with Your Team: Share the social story with teachers, therapists, and other caregivers so everyone reinforces the same strategies.
Additional Resources and Social Script Collections
Looking for more social stories to address hitting and other challenging behaviors? Here are valuable resources:
- Carol Gray Social Stories – The original creator’s official website with guidelines and examples
- National Autism Resources Social Story Collection – Printable social stories for various situations
- Teachers Pay Teachers Social Stories – Educator-created social stories for classroom and home use
- Speech and Language Kids Resources – SLP-developed social stories and communication strategies
- Autism Speaks Visual Supports – Free downloadable visual supports and social stories
Many speech-language pathologists (SLPs) and occupational therapists can also create personalized social stories tailored to your child’s specific needs and communication level.
Beyond the Social Narrative: Creating a Comprehensive Approach
While social scripts are powerful tools, they work best as part of a comprehensive behavior support plan:
- Identify triggers through careful observation
- Teach emotional literacy so children can name feelings before they escalate
- Create sensory breaks and calm-down spaces
- Model appropriate behavior consistently
- Reinforce positive choices immediately and specifically
- Work with professionals (BCBA, SLP, OT) if hitting persists
Remember, changing behavior takes time, consistency, and patience. Social stories plant the seeds of understanding, but growth happens with repeated practice, positive reinforcement, and lots of compassion for both you and your child.
Final Thoughts
Hitting is a challenging behavior, but it’s also a developmental opportunity to teach crucial skills: emotional regulation, communication, empathy, and problem-solving. Social stories provide a gentle, respectful way to guide children toward these skills without shame or punishment.
Whether you’re a parent navigating toddler aggression, a teacher managing classroom behavior, or an SLP supporting a child with communication challenges, social stories for hitting offer a structured, evidence-based approach that honors the child while teaching essential social skills.
Start with the sample story above, personalize it for your child’s unique needs, and remember: every child can learn to use gentle hands with the right support, structure, and time.
Alternative Social Script Examples
explore our guides on sharing and turn-taking, gentle hands and managing hitting, bath time routines, hair washing, and other everyday self-care skills. Each script follows the same calm, structured approach—helping children understand expectations, practice replacement language, and build emotional regulation across home, school, and community settings.
- Social Narrative for Bath Time and Showering
- Social Narrative for Sharing
- Social Script for Hair Washing
- Social Stories Frequently Asked Questions
Disclaimer
This website is an independent educational resource and is not affiliated with, endorsed by, or sponsored by Carol Gray or The Gray Center for Social Learning and Understanding. “Social Stories™” and “Social Story™” are trademarks of Carol Gray. All references to Social Stories are used for educational and informational purposes only. We acknowledge Carol Gray as the creator of the Social Stories™ methodology. For official information and resources, please visit carolgraysocialstories.com.
